The other day, I was talking with a friend about winning, and how difficult it is to be a winner in every sense of the word.  That conversation cause me to reflect back to an Olympic winner who enjoyed thirty minutes of fame for winning the gold and being the first African American to do so in his sport.  I'm talking about Shani Davis, of course, who was given an extra fifteen minutes of fame because of his feud with fellow teammate and rival Chad Hedrick.

After the Olympics ended, I thought about the nature of winning and success, and wrote some notes based on a recent book I read.  My notes contained some useful ideas, especially for those times when we find ourselves in conflict with a co-worker. 

Since this anniversary edition of diversityinbusiness.com is organized around the theme of Heroes in the Community, I would like to extend a belated, but heartfelt congratulations to Mr. Davis for his outstanding performance, both on and off the ice.  He is a hero to many Olympic hopefuls, but his determination and ability to focus on the goal, despite a swirling mess of controversy, envy and competition, are qualities worth noting. 

On the other hand, the conflict between Mr. Hedrick and Mr. Davis demonstrated the corrosive effects broken relationships can have on teams and teammates.

In case you missed it, the controversy really heated up when Chad Hedrick complained about Shani Davis not competing in one of the team events on behalf of the U.S.  Mr. Hedrick indicated that Mr. Davis was not being a team player and that he had put his personal agenda ahead of the team’s.  This started a flurry of accusations that culminated in a really ugly press conference confrontation between the two skaters.

Unfortunately, neither Olympian seemed to benefit from the discourse in the public eye, with their teammates, or with those who control the lucrative corporate sponsorships that Olympians also dream of.

Social Intelligence – The New Science of Success

Both men could have benefited from the great insights found in a recently released book entitled Social Intelligence – The New Science of Success by Karl Albrecht.  This book provides useful and practical methods for dealing with people.  While most of the book relates to an office setting, what happened in Turin is similar to confrontations that occur daily inside many organizations.  Unlike the world of work, the Olympic confrontation played out for everyone to see on the nightly news.  And in this case, the news coverage made a bad situation even worse.

In the book, Social Intelligence is defined as the ability to get along with and cooperate with others.  It is that “get along well with others” part that really came to mind when I started to reflect on the unfortunate developments that occurred off the ice in Turin.

Social Intelligence vs. Emotional Intelligence

One of the many noteworthy insights contained in this book is the distinction that Albrecht makes between SI (Social Intelligence) from EI (Emotional Intelligence).  Albrecht restricts EI to self-awareness and self-management, and notes that the focus of SI is on dealing with people.  While some would argue that the book is actually describing a subset of Emotional Intelligence (based on definitions that Daniel Goleman has made popular), Albrecht describes these as two of six primary intelligence categories.

The other Intelligences identified by Albrecht are:  Abstract Intelligence (symbolic reasoning), Practical Intelligence (getting things done), Aesthetic Intelligence (form, design, music, art, and literature), and Kinesthetic Intelligence (sports, dance, other whole body skills).

My own simple approach to Emotional Intelligence is that it has two dimensions, an internal dimension (self awareness and self management) and an external dimension (managing relationships and social awareness).  Albrecht, however, provides a great amount of depth and original thought to the distinction that needs to be drawn between SI and EI.  His insights need to be read  – not only by Mr. Hedrick and Mr. Davis – but also by professionals who seek to master business relationships.

Toxic Behaviors

My favorite chapter of the book, and the one that Mr. Hedrick could especially benefit from, concerns empathy.  In short, Albrecht notes that toxic behavior destroys empathy, while nourishing others builds empathy.  He includes a long list of toxic behaviors, many of which were a part of the Olympic controversy.  Some examples of this toxic behavior included verbal barbs, nonverbal put-downs, excessive complaints, bullying, open criticisms, constant disagreement, and a lack of flexibility.

As Albrecht put so wonderfully, “to achieve empathy with another person means to get him or her to share a feeling of connectedness with you, which leads the person to move with and toward you rather than away and against you.”  That feeling of “being connected” doesn’t seem to have existed for some time between Mr. Hedrick and Mr. Davis.

Some of the Nourishing Behaviors that I would have recommended that these Olympians could have employed include:  more compliments, equal treatment, honesty in communications, agreeing where possible, relishing each other’s success, constructive confrontations, more listening, and less judging.

I’m left to wonder if these behaviors, once employed, would have resulted in even greater Olympic moments for both athletes and for those of us cheering them on.

Keeping your people skills at a world class or  “Olympic level” takes work, a lot of work.

I recommend you add Social Intelligence – The New Science of Success to your library so that you can be a winner in the midst of controversy.

The End