The Relationship Corner

There is one thing that we all receive the same amount of on a daily basis, whether we are rich or poor, black or white, male or female…. that thing is time.  24 Hours.  No matter what our status is on this earth, we each get the same number of hours every day. 

Time is the most valuable resource that we have at our disposal.  Once a second, minute, or hour is gone, it is gone forever.  Time cannot be purchased, making management of every moment extremely important.  Of course, there are many demands on our time.   Work, family, faith, friends, volunteer activities, exercise, and moments for relaxation, all compete for our time.  Technologies that were designed to increase the amount of time we have available have actually created even more time pressure.  Innovations such as cellular phones, laptop computers, the internet, faxes, next day mail, voice mail, pagers, and electronic mail have simultaneously made managing our lives both better and worse.  While we might be able to get more done, we now have more to do, and seemingly no excuse for not getting things done sooner.

But how are we spending our time?  Are we doing the things that we want to do?  Are we seeing the people that we want to see?  Are we achieving the goals that we want to achieve?  Have we grown and enhanced the relationships that we would like to, whether they are personal or professional?  Do we have a plan to manage our time?

The events of September 11th were tragic in so many ways, but the events of that day serve as a vivid reminder that we might not have all the time that we think we have.  We all have an opportunity to leave a legacy, but are we devoting the proper amount of time to the people and things that are important to us?

If you are like me, and you are constantly on that quest to use time in ways that contribute to a positive legacy, here’s a few suggestions that will help you to get to your real priorities in life.  

After all, it’s about time.

Most of us know what we want to do with our lives.  We have a good idea of where we want to go and what principles we want to follow to help get us there.  However, when we analyze how we spend our time, we often find a “disconnect” between what we do and what we say we want to do.  We spend our time on everything but the things that we claim are most important to us.  

A personal mission statement might help you better identify the things that you really want to do in life.  This statement is a way to summarize, in a succinct manner, what you are striving to do with your life.  The mission statement also serves as a measuring stick that can be used to monitor your activities and use of time. 

After reading Steven Covey’s First Things First, I put together my first personal mission statement.  When I studied this statement, I was surprised at how very little of what I was involved with on a daily basis helped me to meet my mission statement objectives.  I had achieved a great deal: family, health, status, financial security, and other things that on the surface were great.  But these things had little to do with what I really wanted to do.  I began to understand that my accomplishments to date had not made the impact on the world that I had hoped for.  These achievements, as wonderful as they may have seemed to me and to others, paled in comparison to goals that are really important to me.  

Use your mission statement as a barometer to assist you with the review of how you spend your time.   How much of your time is being used in areas that contribute little or nothing towards your mission?  Which of your activities require too much time?  How can you be more efficient in managing your priorities in order to “create time”?  What can you start or stop doing – right now? 

Time management books and seminars offer endless ways to make better use of your time. Any system you adopt should focus on setting priorities and then doing the most important things first.  The great thing about personal mission statements is that they constantly remind you of what the important things are in your life.  

This plan does not have to be detailed, but it must be written.  It must also contain time frames that allow you to gauge your progress.  Keep your mission statement in the forefront of your mind as you construct your plan.  

In Laurie Beth Jones’ book, The Path –Creating Your Mission Statement for Work and Life, Ms. Jones outlines eight steps that may be very helpful for you as you embark upon your mission.  A review of these steps will provide you with specific and sensible ways to go about moving forward.  I strongly recommend that you read the book.

Having a vision statement, a mission statement, and an action plan is one thing. Implementing that plan, as we all know, is always tough.

In regard to the relationship with my family, my time analysis confirmed what I already knew:  I was spending too much time at work.  My average workday was 12 hours.  An additional 4 or 5 hours of work on Saturday and/or Sunday had become mandatory.  Missing dinner with the family was routine.  Not attending larger family functions was the norm.  Lack of sleep made me irritable, even when I was around.   Family conversations were more like the 10 o’clock news – short, to the point, lacking depth and feigning compassion.  Stress ran rampant.  My relationships were suffering.

As I reflected upon my situation, I identified simple, but significant, changes needed to help improve my family relationships, and therefore move me closer to the fulfillment of my personal mission and vision.  The changes were as follows:

1. Eat dinner with the family, missing no more that one meal per week.

2. Eliminate work on Sundays, with no more that 3 hours of work on Saturdays.

3. Attend and enjoy all important family functions.

4. Sleep a minimum of 5 consecutive hours each night (yes, this was an improvement!)

5. Conduct at least one meaningful discussion with each family member at least once per day and talk about other important matters immediately. 

The results were immediate and gratifying.  By focusing on what was important, I had begun to make significant strides towards meeting a vital portion of my mission statement.  My family relationships improved, and as they did, I discovered that I viewed my job and how it related to my mission differently.  Although my job was important, I my work had to relate to my mission. 

Your mission statement should be reviewed periodically to make sure that it continues to reflect where you would like to take your life.  I review my statement every year during the last week of December.  This always serves as a good time for reflecting on the past year.  It also provides me with a way to focus on challenges to be overcome in meeting my mission in the year to come.

In addition to this review, examine your mission statement whenever major changes take place in your life.  Big changes often impact how we view our plans for the future.  Remember, your mission statement is not set in stone.  It should be a working document, one that can change, but only with considerable thought and care.

Finally, remember to keep your mission statement in view.  Tape it to the wall over your desk, post it on your refrigerator, write it on a card in your wallet, or make it the message that scrolls across your computer.  These constant reminders will help you focus on what the ultimate mission is and inspire you to achieve the goals you have put in place.   

The personal mission statement documents your life philosophy and serves as a guide for decisions you make every day.  It also provides you with a time management tool that reminds you of what is most important in your life.  In today’s world, it’s easy to spend time on the things that don’t really matter.  Don’t let that happen.