The Relationship Corner: Become a Mentor (Part 1)

I recently spoke with a woman who liked the idea of helping others, but wondered whether mentoring was something she should do. She questioned the value of her life experiences and her knowledge, and she claimed that she didn’t have any idea how to find people to mentor.

I encouraged her to take a moment to look in the mirror knowing that she would see the image of a woman with a great job that paid her a nice salary and provided wonderful benefits. She would see a woman who was intelligent and articulate, and had many family members and friends; a woman who had no wants related to shelter, food, clothing, or any of the other “essentials” in life. She would see the image of a woman who enjoyed occasional luxuries such as vacations and dinners at fine restaurants. In short, she would see a woman living a wonderful existence.

I then asked her to think about the millions of people on earth who would love to be in her position. “What would these people do if they suddenly became you?” I inquired. “Would they simply enjoy the fruits of such a wonderful life, or would they spend time helping others to experience the lives that they have always dreamed of?”

I told her that I believed the people who would step into her shoes would most likely look to help others. These people would give thanks for all they had received by focusing on ways that they could give to others, particularly to those who are less fortunate.

Mentoring as a Way of Giving

A mentor is a person that provides advice, counsel, and guidance to another. The mentee, or protégé, is the person on the receiving end in a mentoring relationship. In truly effective mentoring relationships, the mentor invests time and effort in developing the mentee’s growth, knowledge, and capabilities. Mentors offer the gifts of wisdom and perspective, sometimes in a manner that goes far beyond their duty or obligation to do so.

Through mentoring, individuals have the opportunity to give their intellectual capital, experiences, knowledge, skills, information, and insights to others.

Giving through mentoring is no different than making a donation (where we give our money), serving on a committee (where we give our time), or taking care of family (where we give our love). In all of these instances we give, that is, we bestow or confer what we have in our possession and deliver it for someone else’s benefit. When we mentor, we give so that the mentee can enjoy a more successful career or a richer life.

When we give by mentoring others, we achieve something that is very important: We partake in a process of acknowledging, valuing and appreciating all of the mentoring that others have bestowed upon us.

I suggested to the woman above that mentoring is not only something that she can do, but it is also a service that she is obligated to perform. The skills and abilities that she developed and used in her career enabled her to enjoy a privileged life. But those skills and abilities and the blessings of her full life did not originate with her. This woman’s life is full of gifts given to her by people she knows and by people who preceded her – most of whom she will never know.

I insist that mentoring was this woman’s obligation because she was the beneficiary of stewards. A steward is someone who manages another’s property or resources. Stewardship encompasses the act of managing the gifts that have been entrusted in our care. On a personal level, we engage in stewardship when we share our knowledge, skills, and experiences with others. These are some of the gifts that have been entrusted to us for our own benefit, AND for the benefit of others.

In the landmark book, Stewardship, Peter Block defines stewardship in the corporate world as “holding something in trust for another.” He points out that we need to advocate service over self-interest. Block also notes that we do this best when we enhance the capacity of the next generation.

As stewards, we have an obligation to develop our gifts, use them constructively, and then prepare future generations to assume and pass on their own gifts. The gifts in our possession are not our property; they have only been given to us for a short period of time. Because our gifts are so temporal, we must give them to others if they are to have lasting meaning and effect.

Since each of us has a set of unique gifts to give, we must determine what the most appropriate gifts are to give to others, and then begin distributing those gifts in an appropriate manner.

Finding Our Gifts

Your journey through life is different from that taken by anyone else in the history of the world. Along the way, you have accumulated experiences and knowledge that can benefit people that you mentor, as well as other individuals with whom you share personal and professional relationships. All of your experiences and relationship represent unique assets that equate to unique gifts.

Last month, I had the opportunity to speak to some former and current MBA students at Northwestern University ’s Kellogg Graduate School of Management. My topic was mentoring, more specifically, how to find mentors and how to build effective mentoring relationships. I suggested several ways that they could determine what their unique gifts are. You might find the tips useful as you seek to discover your own gifts.

1	Inventory Your Gifts and Assets. Make a list of your skills and capabilities. Some examples of these assets might include technical or analytical proficiencies, your network of business or personal contacts, knowledge of a particular industry, or the ability you have to be optimistic and stay positive. The items inventoried here are only a portion of your many gifts.
2	Talk to People Who Know You. Talk to friends, work associates, and family members about things they see in you. We have many traits and attributes that others see, but somehow we don’t. List these things, and pay special attention to the items people mention. They may very well be things that are your distinct - and one of a kind - gifts.
3	Ask About the Needs of Others. Sometimes we don’t now exactly what it is we have to give until we speak with someone in need. When you speak with people, ask them about areas where they could use your help. They could be seeking assistance with specific work responsibilities, having problems relating to a particular individual, involved in a civic or volunteer activity, or just trying to balance their personal and professional lives. As you look for ways to help, you will suddenly become much more aware of what you are capable of providing.
4	Think About the Mentoring Gifts Given to You. Make a list of those people that have been mentors to you. Also list specific things you have been given. Could you give some of those things to others? Have you been given advice or counsel that could be shared? Does a favorite story told to you also apply to someone else? Your list could serve as possible gifts to give to others.
5	Listen. Many times people don’t know where their experience and knowledge might be needed. Take the time to listen closely to what people say, no matter where you are, or with whom you are speaking. Opportunities abound for you to understand your uniqueness simply by listening more closely to others. To be most effective, focus your listening on the needs of others, and not on your own thoughts.

These five steps offer a way for you to develop a deeper appreciation of your own unique gifts. In the next edition of this column, I will explore how you can become a Mentor and make the best use of your gifts.

Mentoring is an excellent way to take the gifts in our possession and pass them on for the benefit of others. The Bible is full of God’s teachings about giving and I found the following passage especially inspirational as I was preparing this edition of The Relationship Corner:

One man is lavish yet grows still richer; another is too sparing, yet is the poorer. He who confers benefits will be amply enriched, and he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed. (Proverbs 11:24-25)

Know that you are responsible for giving and that you have a set of gifts that are unique. Discover all you have at your disposal and share it with others. By serving as a mentor, you will help many people lead more constructive, fulfilling, productive, prosperous and giving lives.